Okay yes. Back in the day when kings were all crazy
and powerful, and commanded armies and made weird stupid proclamations
demanding impossible things, we were kinda right to throw off the
shackles and stand apart from the oppressive...
er ...oppressors.
But if you look now, the British Monarchy looks
like a romantic, noble, sometimes scandalous, but always entertaining
family with a long and amazing history. Every time one of them gets
married, divorced, starts dating, takes an alleged
bong hit, or anything really it generates headlines for weeks. I would
bet that most Americans don't know the name of the British Prime
Minister, but can tell you ALL about Prince William, and Kate, and the
baby, and oh holy crap people love the royalty.
And here in this day and age they do make a valid
contribution to the country. There's a great YouTube video about this,
but basically it works like this: They own a lot of land; They rent (or
lease) that land to the government; The Government
makes money from that land; British taxes go down. But more than that
interest in the Royal Family accounts for a HUGE amount of the British, especially the London, economy, due to tourism. People come from all
over the world to see where the Royal Family
lives, plays, the Crown jewels, and all the royal themed attractions
that start with "Ye Olde."
And that got me thinking: Why should they have all the fun? We could have our own American Royal Family, couldn't we?
Okay let's think about this. Kings were originally
charismatic and aggressive leaders who led armies, and protected their
people from harm, and gained glory and honor from battle, and believed
mightily that they were given the right to rule
through Divine Providence. After that, they just passed the title down
from generation to generation, not out of any deference to the descendent's prowess or skill or charisma, but rather because they were
born.
And this is understandable, as we have a built in
desire to protect our offspring and provide every advantage possible for
their survival and prosperity. Being King is a really good way to do
that, unless you screw it up by being really
dumb and causing a revolution, and maybe getting your head chopped off.
But hey, nobody's perfect right? The important thing is that they
started as nobody, but took what they had and forged a kingdom sweat,
blood, steel, and will.
So then, what if I told you that deep in the south
there was a long, nearly forgotten line of noble blood that is heir to
the Lost Throne of the Americas? Tracing it's lineage back through the
Civil War, further back to a family of royalty
that had been banished to America for the crime of being Catholic,
which disqualified them the succession. (A real thing apparently, look it
up.)
The Nobleman arrived quietly, and mostly did things
without fanfare, or fervor, but made a difference in the lives of his
people, and protected them. His lineage is still alive today, and the
most direct of the eldest descendants is a humble
construction worker in North Carolina, unaware that he is the rightful
King of America.
None of that is true of course, as far as I know.
But it makes a good story, it has the ring of truth, and don't people
just love the idea of lost and hidden royalty? It is a fascinating idea.
See it's not like he/she would have any real power
or authority, per se. Maybe they find out that they're the beneficiary
of some land grant back revenues that the government could never pay
back, so they set up a trust that they'll pay
back over several hundred years or so, to the family and their heirs.
Other than that it's just a big PR thing. "Hey look at us, we have our
own King!"
So yeah, might make a good story. Kind of a rags to
riches story about a nice guy, single, who suddenly finds himself the
heir, not only to an incredible fortune (which he can't have, but no one
cares,) but also the title of King of America
(which means nothing, but no one cares.) Suddenly women who wouldn't
give him the time of day are throwing themselves at his feet, companies
are offering him jobs as their spokesman, businesses are changing their
names in his honor, Matt Lauer won't stop calling
to ask him to be on the Today Show. It goes on and on.
And the whole time he's just trying to live his
life, and figure out what he wants to do, now that he doesn't have to
have a job any more. But of course it turns out that being King is a
full time job, making public appearances, meeting
important people who's only interest is his fame, and so on and so on.
Then he meets a girl, the only one who is not
impressed by his fame, has never heard of him, doesn't care about his
money, etc etc, and of course isn't too impressed with him either.
The rest should be fairly obvious to anyone who's
seen King Ralph, or any romantic comedy where the guy has to work to
impress the girl. She sees him in a moment of kindness, instantly falls
in love with him, then some other complication
keeps them apart until they can be thrown together at the end of the
movie while some funny yet touching, song plays in the background. Start
credits, then show the wedding scene during the credits along with
bloopers, and so on.
Yeah, I think we could do better than that though.
What if being King turns into a huge chance for him to bring out his
diplomatic side, and become an unofficial goodwill ambassador for the US
and Canada, travelling extensively to talk to
important people about how their people can get along better, and basically be a really nice guy via interpreter. Then suddenly he gets
embroiled in an international incident, and suddenly we're in a suspense
action movie, in the vein of Air Force One, or any
of the Die Hard movies, where it turns out that the King has a military
service record, and a way to contact someone on the outside. He
uncovers the plot, takes out the bad guys, saves the day, then gives a
one liner about how it's good to be the King, or
something equally cheesy. Credits roll to a Lynard Skynard/Elvis
mashup, encompassing "The King" and "The South."
Yeah, that sounds like a blockbuster hit by Michael Bay.
Well this is what Brainstorming, and Spit-balling
are for, you toss everything at the wall, and see what sticks. I'll
probably go to TV Tropes and see if an idea occurs to me, but this one
will have to sit on the back burner for a while,
after all I've got 2 other stories to make some progress on.
Anyway, as ever comments and suggestions are welcomed.
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